Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I want is dick and wine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
