If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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