I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
