So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
