I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
