You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
