So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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