There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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