you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
