When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
