he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
