D3 body, D1 cock
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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