I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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