it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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