if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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