I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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