There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
