Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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