I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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