If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
