So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
