I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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