Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
