I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
