I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
