My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she looked like the before picture.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
