My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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