If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
