and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
