let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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