We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i barfeds in our rink
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
