Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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