I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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