I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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