you traded sex for a burrito?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
