nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
