You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
