Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
