I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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