I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
