Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
