I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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