Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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