so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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