omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
