How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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