if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
