btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
