I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
