Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
