So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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