Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
