she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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