...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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