I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk is not a location!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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