I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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