I just threw up on my dentist
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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