My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
