Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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