he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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