I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
