The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
