Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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