I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
