And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
