You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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