if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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