Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
