He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
