I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
