the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
