after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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