sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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