I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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