I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
